Author Archives: pikeymike

About pikeymike

Pikey Mike has a dim view of today's government. He is on the watch for wolves posing as shepherds...regardless if they have a D or R in front of their name.

Tim Allen and the Chevy Volt

I’m not sure about you, but I hardly missed an episode of Home Improvement when it was still on.  I would even divulge when it came on syndication.  Tim Allen played a father of three and hosted a fake TV show called “Tool Time” as Tim “the Toolman” Taylor.  

One of the mainstays of the show through many seasons was a hotrod he was building from the ground up.  I loved watching each season to see the hotrod evolve into an amazing machine.  Tim would often grunt at the Detroit muscle he was building and I would sometimes grunt along with him.

Fast forward 20 years or so.  Tim’s doing another comedy (if it hasn’t been canceled) which is basically another spin off of Home Improvement except he has three girls instead of boys (very creative).  I was eager to watch the first episode, but immediately felt duped at the lack or originality.  I haven’t watched it since.  

Then the ads for the Chevy Volt came out.  Yes, this Chevy Volt.  Knowing that the government spent millions of tax payer money so the UAW bosses got a fatter paycheck was tough to swallow.  Then the president forced Chevy to come out with the monstrosity of the Volt.  It angers me to the point that the one time I saw a Volt on the road I had to stop myself from flipping the driver the bird.  Now I just feel sorry for the owner.

All this was bad enough until I saw the ad for the Volt.  I immediately scoffed at the pandering to typical Americans.  Then I recognized that gravely voice.  Mr. American Muscle was doing a voiceover for a hybrid?

Way to sell out Tim.  Should you never grunt again because of this indiscretion.  


The Joys of Fatherhood

This week I had the privilege of attending my first birthing class.  My wife and I are expecting our first and she’s far enough along to start going through these classes.  Now don’t be mistaken all you bachelors and folks of previous generations out there.  Lamaze is no longer part of the lexicon for giving birth these days.  I think women in general have pretty much accepted modern medicine as a whole and rare is the one who chooses a natural birth.

We walked in to the OB/GYN office and met our nurse.  After reading My Boys Can Swim by Ian Davis, I took his advice to get on her good side.  She was the nurse you hope to get, street smart and in love with her job.  She answered a few questions and then we watched the movie.

You know exactly what movie I’m referring to.

It’s the movie that unabashedly shows the birth of a baby with no censorship whatsoever.

This cinematic gem centered around 4 families that all elected a natural birth, and realistically, I could care less if you choose to have a child naturally.  But one thing stuck out like a sore thumb.  They were all hippies.  Now I’ve caught moments from these videos before, all different, but they all had hippies.

So the question remains, how did hippies corner the market on birthing videos?  Usually when hippies attempt any entrepreneurial venture, it ends in horrible failure with pleas for government subsidies.  Let’s be honest, if green energy was really viable it would be in every home.  But I have to give credit where credit is due and acknowledge the hippies scored a point in the child birthing video market.

Touche` stinky.

More Debate Shenanigans

It’s been too long since I’ve posted.  I was in the middle of moving (hopefully my last) and I thought the next post would be about owning my first home.  Unfortunately, I haven’t had any mind altering thoughts on the matter.  Now I’m sitting in my new home with the wife and turned on the “CNN National Security Debate.”

It’s 8:42 now and Wolf Blitzer isn’t doing a bad job as the moderator…he isn’t doing a good one either.  Mitt Romney just effectively shut him up after he asked for the twelfth time for one of the candidates to acquiesce on immigration amnesty.  But about an hour ago I had a shocking reality check.

Why is CNN labeling this debate the “National Security” debate?  Two reasons: Ron Paul and Herman Cain.  These guys have shown unmistakable popularity amongs Americans who have been polled.  However, Ron Paul’s international policies aren’t exactly popular and Herman Cain flubbed a national policy question recently.

My guess (because I have no evidence whatsoever) is that the kingmakers at CNN are trying to get a two for one deal here.  First, it’s no secret that the debates are great for ratings.  Americans have been viewing in droves to learn about the next president (because it ain’t gonna be Obama).  If you doubt this, then check your TV guide and you’ll find this was scheduled during O’Reilly who continues to whoop CNN tail when it comes to viewership.  In the end, I guess the network’s love for Obama ends when the dollars run out.

Second, by focusing on National Security CNN is effectively exposing the Achilles heel of the two men that the CNN kingmakers hope to expunge from serious competition.  Ron Paul has often been described as an isolationist.  Check out his website if you want more info.  Aside from brushing off the over-inflated sexual misconduct scandal, Herman Cain doesn’t appear to have the experience that the rest of the candidates do.  Unfortunately for CNN, Herman Cain pulled off what any person of intelligence could accomplish…he brushed up on current world events and gave a lot of good answers.

My fellow Americans, you don’t have to pick between Romney and Perry.  Hell, I wouldn’t mind at all if you started a Kinky Friedman write in campaign.  Just know that if the news networks are cramming something down your throat, you’re not obliged to swallow it.

Debate Shenanigans

Before watching last night’s debate the only preconceived notion I had was that I’m about burned out on them.  I usually watch them on YouTube in order to skip commercials and fast forward through non-answers.  But last night turned in to a low point for the Republican presidential primary.

Long story short: desperation is a stinky cologne.

The only people who came out smelling like a rose (no one really wins these things) were Herman Cain, Ron Paul, and Newt Gingrich.  They constantly kept their cool (which says a lot for Dr. Paul) and didn’t de-evolve in to Lord of the Flies type bickering.  I’m not supporting Newt Gringrich by any means, but these situations prove time and again why he was such an effective Speaker of the House.  Unfortunately, he’s the reason why you have to balance words with actions when choosing a candidate.

The other two RINO’s almost went to fisticuffs.  The night’s low point was reached when Romney and Perry kept speaking over each other with increasingly ugly language.  I don’t even recall the topic or the question asked (which are often two different things in a presidential debate) but I know that after the smoke cleared both of those guys would have been better served with broken noses and a round of beers…well, it would have been more cathartic that way.  In the end, their numbers are slipping and they know what every American already knows: whoever wins the Republican primary will be the next president.  Their falling numbers are reminding them that their vaunted wish is diminishing daily and there’s nothing they can do about it.

And of course the campaign’s little brother and sister kept trying to get noticed.  Michelle Bachman and Rick Santorum tried endlessly to prove to America that yes, they do indeed exist.  Unlike Bachman, however, Santorum actually made some three-dimensional arguments.  The more Bachman spoke the more I wish she’d crafted her arguments with more depth than a dinner plate.  It’s plain to me that her campaign is being run by lightweights.

Added together, this whole event put a black eye on the Republican primary.  Until now, it’s been almost light-hearted.  This should most likely bring some reality to the race.  But I can’t help but think it was a low point and made all the candidates look bad, even if that guilt is only by association.


Note: Updated at 1726 to reflect grammatical corrections.

Test of Character

I’m anxious to see what the response from the White House will be once these idiot bandits are collared.  Read here

I’m not sure what’s more fitting: that burglars stole directly from the president or that their heist included his precious teleprompters.  And yes, I did mean “a response from the White House” in the above statement because there’s no way Barry could utter a sentence without his manicured speech scrolling before his eyes. 

Regardless, my money is on the president blaming society, not the perpetrators, for this crime.  In the end he’ll most likely pin a medal on the thieves and blame the nearest A) Tea Party-er, B) Fortune 500 CEO, or C) Republican Presidential hopeful.

Where Are the Religious Freedoms Idiots Now?

Anyone with a noggin knows why we don’t have prayer in school.  If you need a refresher, click here.  It is wrong to force someone of a different religion to participate one’s own religious practice…at least that’s the argument that led to banning prayer in schools (still an ongoing battle), and the removal of religious items on public land. 

But where were those voices when the president is trying to force Catholic Americans to pay for contraceptives in the Obamacare law should they choose a private plan?  Read here from CNS News.

It says very plainly in the 1st Amendment, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof…”  Naturally the US Conference of Catholic Bishops had objections, but where are the objections from the ACLU?  Why are the hippies still at Wall Street and not on the White House front lawn?

Liberals love to shove useless epithets like, “I wish people would work together,” or, “don’t be so close-minded,” down America’s throat.  Yet here the president is plainly not working with Catholic Americans and being very close-minded towards their beliefs. 

I’m not catholic and have not intention of becoming one, but I stand up for their freedom to practice their religion…even if the person elected to uphold and defend their right do so won’t.

Not letting someone practice their religious doctrine that in no way inhibits the freedoms of another is tyranny.  And our idiot in chief is hooting and hollering about.

‘Scuse Me? Who’s Soft?

The Commander-in-Chief just called Americans “soft”, as reported by The Weekly Standard.  Try not to punch through your monitor when you watch here

Now, if one were to only base their judgement of Americans solely on popular culture mainstays like the magazines reserved only for the check out lane, MTV “reality” shows, or hippies; then yeah, I can justify anyone calling Americans soft.

My point of view, however, is not that one.  I have the privilege of working with the finest warriors in the world.  I see on a daily basis individuals striving for physical and mental improvement, shedding all sense of self-worth just to make the whole unit better.

And before that I was at the world’s finest university where people juggled jobs on top of 16 hour semesters (I luckily married one such individual).

So what is the President’s point of view?  Is it one where his office is full of professional whiners (DC folk refer to them as “lobbyists”)?  You know what, scratch that – everyone he surrounds himself with is a whiner.  Everyone from his wife (“America is a downright mean country”), to Jay Carney, on down to Crazy Maxine Waters.  The source of whining comes from self-pity.  Why these folks who make upwards of 6 figures with nicer benefits than most Americans could dream about, is beyond me.  Maybe they should dry their tears on my uniform sleeve, suck it up, and act like an adult with the majority of Americans. 

The next time, Mr. President, you consider a remark that lumps every American as “soft”, please remember this remark, “I’m all dinged up.”  And in that same moment remember, there’s a Marine freezing his rear off in Afghanistan, there’s a college student pulling a double shift to pay for tuition and rent, and there are tons of Americans who haven’t forgotten that you only get what you earn.

Stop Whining